Témoignage de Maria
I would first like to thank you for bring more awareness to a difficult and often silent subject. I often say the Boomer generation is the last great generation. A generation that can do everything manually (like calculating, spelling, drivining, cooking, etc) without the use of modern conveniences. They can live in both an analog and digital world.
I just want to thank you all for attending this event today, as it a great cause and deeply means a lot to me personally to know there are people are standing up to such horrible acts. I was raised by two of the kindest, funniest, most loving, and self-sacrificing parents I’ve ever come to know of. We were not blessed with much in this world, but I was BLESSED and won the lottery, when it came to parents.
This is where you are questioning why would they be abused? This abuse has 2 parts. I am the youngest of three, with two older brothers. In 2020, they found a mass in my brain, and the next day I had brain surgery. I was constantly in and out of hospitals for treatments.
My father, who was immunocompromised, would take the bus during covid line up outside the hospital to see me. When I was finally released, my brother and his wife moved me into their house. I did not want that.
After a year or two, his wife became increasingly incensed I did not die. She demanded I move out immediately, throwing my father in the mix who moved there abruptly, retiring, when my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and eventually passed away.
As an incentive to move, she got my brother to change the bathroom to a keyed lock. Even her own children would have to ask for permission to use the washroom. She also put cameras all over the house.
My father and I were not allowed to use the kitchen, so we had to rely on takeout and deliveries, which was extremely expensive and unhealthy – especially for my father who was diabetic and on hemodialysis and myself with brain cancer.
Even though we bought our own food, my own brother hid it from us. I got into fights with him. His own 10-year-old daughter SCREAMED: “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” My sister- in-law called her own daughter the problem child as she had ADHD. Her ADHD was minimal. My sister-in-law felt insecure because she said my mother raised my niece. My beautiful, kind, intelligent niece at 10 years old could stand up to her own parents.
Their reckless verbal, mental and emotional abuse did not only affect us but also impacted their own young children. It was toxic and unnecessary.
I was looking for housing but being on long-term disability – and them locking the doors – we had to make sure we would not be locked out. They could not be reasoned with and refused to talk. They though it was easy for us to move out in a housing crisis.
So my sister-in-law decided to look on the internet and print off and fill out a “Trespassing Notice” and repeatedly called the RCMP to get them to remove us.
When the RCMP refused to comply with a non-legal document and calmly explained to them. The RCMP were met with resistance, anger, aggression and frustration repeatedly.
I showed the RCMP everything I was trying to do, all the rentals, viewings and emails – proof I did not want to be there. I wanted to use a washroom, do laundry, have a kitchen and not be berated night and day. Be scared. They did not like the RCMP’s responses, So they decided one day to make me call 911 by confining my dad and I in the basement. My brother admitted it to the RCMP.
I talked to so many social workers and advocacy groups, and one day. It led me to SAIL, and I connected my dad with them. He wanted me to be on the call. One of the advocates from Sail was speaking to my dad and asking him about his financials to see about assistance for rent. Then they found out he had another adult son he was supporting in another province.
They asked if he was unable to work? No. He lived in a three-bedroom townhouse by himself – rent free. my parents paid the taxes, utilities, insurance, phone and internet. He had access to the car and my father’s car insurance…until he crashed it.
He would have been in his mid-40s at the time. The advocate simply said: “I'm sorry to tell you, but this is also elder abuse.” My father understood what he had to do, but our first priority was to get out of a hostile situation.
My father was a good, kind, principled and stoic man. He did not like to show emotion, like most men of his generation. Therefore, as a child I was not a “daddy’s girl”. My mom held me tight, maybe because I was the youngest.
After my mom passed, I held on to my dad, and he held on to me. I became a “daddy’s girl” later in life and so proud to be; we were inseparable. On his death bed when the doctors said he would no longer recognize anyone. I asked my father if he knew who I was. He wrote my name.
The nurses agreed he knew who I was and was visibly happy. When I visited him, he always reached for my hand and never let go until he wanted me to go home to rest. I was the only one of his children there holding my papa’s hand at his last breath. He deserved better. Just like my mother, I was there for her, holding her hand.
In my case, I choose to believe my brothers are good people that made bad decisions. It’s unfortunate, as we were raised by the same parents but they can no longer hold the family name with true dignity
For the seniors that are suffering from mental, emotional, physical or financial abuse, do not feel ashamed to reach out for help - especially if it’s family. Do not enable them to continue. You worked so long and so hard to have a good retirement. Do not let that be taken from you. Just because you are over 65, it does not classify you as something to be ignored, neglected or abused. You are worthy!
